How do you handle crisis?

I often wonder at the fact how each human being is created different. Nature has so little to work with. Each human needs to have the same two eyes, one nose, one mouth and two ears but nature still manages to make each of use so unqiue and unlike the other. In the same note everyone handles crisis in such a different manner.


As with other things Mr.C and me handle crisis differently. And our crises range from something minor as not finding Straight Line's homework folder to Rule Bender emptying the whole box of cheerios on the carpet and dancing on them to our parents not being well to work issues and all in between. Mr. C's reaction to any crisis is trying to analyze who is to blame for it. More often than not it ends in the conclusion that yours truly is responsible for all wrongs in this world. If Mr. C could find some convoluted logic he would blame me for global warming and the hole in the ozone layer. Anyways like I was saying as long as he found out a way to blame someone for the situation he is at peace with it. I on the other hand never care for why the crisis occured instead my only thought process works to solve it and my mind kicks into glorious overdrive in emergencies. But I never think of the cause of the crisis and how I should prevent it from happening again. Case in point in the last 4 years I have locked myself out of my own house 3 times but each time I managed to get a locksmith/pry open a window/push in a screen door and get back in.



Mr. C mom is having a minor surgery in India today and he is understandably upset. He is in his room lights dimmed and extremely cranky. I am trying to be understanding but at this moment its just better to give him some space. Last February my mom had major surgery and so I can empathize with how it feels and what probably is bugging him is that he cannot find anyone to blame for it. Jokes apart staying so far away from our loved ones takes it toll. Nothing brings home this fact more than someone back home being sick. The helpless feeling in the pit of my stomach intensifies every time I hear someone is sick. It also deepens the awareness that if an emergency ever occurs we will never be back in India on time to be of any fruitful use. This in itself is a very depressing truth. So all Mr. C and me can do is call up often to see how things are progressing and pray that everything goes well.

And I am back...

Inspite of all the best intentions I had about blogging everyday it did not happen. I would gladly report that there was some major emergency or I was busy working on some life altering project but it would not be true. Instead I got caught up with mundane life and mommyhood. Before I knew it the week had passed by.




I did get time though to see a lot of the new fall season episodes which started this week. There are quite a few series premier that I really adored. Especially "The Event", I cannot stop gushing over it. It was gripping and just the kind of genre I like. I have a new favorite which is not crime related. Mr. Clean can finally breathe a sigh of relief. With the amount of Law and Order and Criminal Minds I watch he is fearful I am planning the perfect crime behind his back.

Not having Mr. C around for the week is finally taking its toll on me. Most times I run around like a head cut chicken. Its really hard on the days when I have to go into office and there are kids activities in the evening after school. I wake up in the morning and then suddenly in what feels like a split second the day ends leaving me with a bunch of unfinished to do lists flashing in my mind. I seriously am in awe of all the single parents out there and especially of the Army Wives who cheerfully wave their husbands good bye and raise their kids singlehandedly.

But Mr. C not around freaks me out at times. The other day I stayed up late at night watching some crime drama with a plot featuring a home invasion and then spent nearly fifteen minutes staring at my front door all the while thinking that someone may try to break in and then fastforwarding to how they will react when I tell them I do not even know my bank account number because Mr. C takes care of the finances.

I picked up a new word this week "Catastrophize" its not a real word but its exactly what I do a lot. Basically it means jumping to the worst possible conclusion when faced with a crisis. I do it a lot with my kids. Like when the Straight Line was learning to ride his scooter all I could think of him falling, hitting his head on the black top and me having to rush him to the ER. Irrational I know; borderline paranoid Sure but this week I was glad to find out that I was not alone there are quite a few mothers out there who do it too. And I find solace in those numbers.

More later.... I am out

More lessons from Mommyhood

Yesterday I went off on a serious tangent, I usually don't plan out a post just write what flows through my mind at that moment so while I will probably be writing more about parenthood you will find me veering away for things that are on my mind on certain days. On that note here are a few more mommyhood lessons

Those who think they know the most about parenting are those with NO kids! I have had snappily dressed ladies at Starbucks telling me how I can keep my toddler from screaming his head off because I would not let him sip my hot cup of coffee. They are like let him take a sip if he scalds himself he wont ask for it again. YAY nice solution and what do you think will happen when he scalds himself thats right he will cry louder and longer.

Sleeping late on weekends is as likely as Ashton Kutcher making you breakfast. [I could have used any other name too but I like Ashton and needed an excuse to put a picture of him] In other words all week long waking Staight Line up is usually an exercise in futility but come the weekend and at the crack of dawn he is up and asking about whats for breakfast. And every weekend morning I look at him all like the sun is not fully up, you probably have not even digested dinner and you want breakfast!!

Mommyhood turns you into your own mom. Before I became a mom I used to be sure of one thing I would not parent like my own mom, I would never tell my kids "Because I told you so". No dearie I would explain my actions to them and treat them with respect. That in turn would make them responsible and well rounded individuals. Well once Straight Line started talking that went pretty much out of the window. Coz a conversation between us would go like this
Me [at a musuem of natural history]: This is a Mongolian tiger which though it looks like a Royal Bengal tiger is more furry and ferocious. I would not want to meet him in the jungle.
SL [Straight Line]: Why mom?
ME [in my let me explain to him mood]: Coz he has these big paws which if he smacked me would probably  leave me dead.
Sl: What if u had a gun?
ME [still taking the bait]: Tigers move fast I dont know if I would have the reflex to shoot a gun.
SL: What if you had a semiautomatic? [thanks Transformers for teaching my 8 yr old that]
ME: Probably then I would not be scared
SL: What if the trigger jammed and you are not able to shoot
ME: That would be bad for me
SL: You could use the hand grenade, if you drop it in its mouth maybe...
By this time I have lost all inclination to explain nature to Straight Line and usually go with its a tiger , its scary so I don't wanna meet it outside its stuffed avatar and the he asks his last why and I end it with because I told you so. There are so many other places I realize I have started talking like my own mom but I leave that for another day.

Before I had kids, I never thought I needed help to go to the bathroom! But obviously I was wrong! Every single time i have to go in one of them has some immediate need with me. Its like I will crawl through the trapdoor on the floor and fly away to Bermuda. Not to say that thought has not crossed my mind. So now before going in I leave explicit instructions; unless there is a fire or a flood DO NOT knock on the door or call me. So five minutes pass and one of them will be at the door with a fierce whisper Mom no fire yet... and I go great call me if there is. Then two more minutes. MOM... this is Rule Bender... No fire No fud. I hear Straight Line explain to him Silly they cant come together otherwise the flood will put out the fire to with Rule Bender answers with a exaggerated OK. So Straight Line continues. If its a fire then we call Mom then we leave the house and go to neigbors house till the fireman say its ok.We can play Lego there for sometime or even the Wii [Yes my considerate son while your house is burning you play Mario Brothers very very thoughtful of you]. You cannot come back in the house till the fireman say you can, not even for bananas [Now Rule Bender is a banana fan but thats another post]. So now they both are having this fire drill just outside my bathroom door and while they are not technically talking to me there goes my Poop in Peace program.

You know someone is a parent when they hold out their hands to catch puke to avoid cleaning the carpet. Or let the baby puke all over you coz your night gown is easier to change than changing a whole set of sheets at 3 am. Gross but I have done this way too many times to remember.

I can buy $200 worth of groceries and still not have anything good to eat [according to the kids] that evening.

I have come to realize when you have kids there is no such thing as cleaning, you only organize the mess. Seriously both of my kids can trash a room 2 minutes flat. Rule Bender walks in to the living room and the first thing he does is throw all the pillows from the couch on the floor. Then he adds some cheetos to the mix and empties half a glass of water on the carpet for good measure and all this in the two minutes it takes me to shut all the lights upstairs and come down.

But the plan is to keep telling myself One day, I WILL live in a house where I can sleep late, eat my food while it is still hot, go to the bathroom without having company, & have adult beverages.

Lessons being a mom taught me....

Contrary to what I thought my inclinations were motherhood came very naturally to me. Over the years I have realized being a mom has taught me a lot, thought I would share some of them with you. I know its not a one size fits all type of thing but most moms I think will agree

Newborn babies do not look like the ones in they show in commercials.No mom falls giddily in love with her recently delivered offspring at first sight [ unless u woke 4 hours later from your c-section and the baby has been all cleaned up]. The first thought usually is that came out of my body, that wrinkly tadpole.

The cry of a baby is the most heart wrenching sound known to mankind. There is nothing I would not have traded to make Rule Bender to stop crying that night when he came down with a horrific ear infection.

Which brings me to the next lesson. Nothing makes a mom feel more helpless that her child in pain or sickness. I would in a heartbeat be willing to takeover if I could every sorrow or sickness my child will ever encounter.

Every child needs someone to make it feel super special, to make him/her realize that there is someone in this world who loves him/her to pieces. A child with a healthy self esteem is always sucessful in life.

Albeit unwillingly we pass on our own prejudices to our kids. They do not have to be major flaws; Straight LIne and Rule Bender both do not like to eat eggplants or pumpkins because I don't like them. I have never in so many words told them not to like them but they kind of just acquired the distaste. This goes on to just illustrate that I do shape their likes and dislikes. Somewhere in my future is a eggplant loving daughter-in-law cursing me for raising my son to hate eggplants.

Kids base their relationships on how we base our relationships. If we dodge phone calls and speak white lies on the phone they assume its ok to lie sometimes. If I speak ill of my mother in law in their presence they will not respect her.Whether I like to or not I influence their relationship with everybody in this world so I have to think twice before I voice an opinion in front of them.

Kids are quick learners. They quickly learn to adapt their actions to my reactions. So the next time Straight Line giggles at two teenagers kissing and I scold him for it he will not stop giggling he just won't do it in my presence. I have trained myself not to over react to situations but to take many things in the stride.

My kids do not need me to be their best friends. They need me to be their mother. Even if they do not like when I say something and there a lot of things I say [ Do not eat raw sugar from the sachets, do not smell each other butts, do not put the idli [steamed indian rice cake] into my CD drive] they know eventually that I can be trusted to keep them out of trouble. It is when you try and get over pally with the kids that you lose the authority to discpline them.

Kids need rules, infact they love rules as long as they are consistent and fair. The rule may not be fair to them at that very moment but as long as it is consistent they will accept it. So hitting, lying, screaming, finishing a complete box of chocolates in one sitting are never ever ok and there are no loopholes to this.

Well these are the serious lessons I gathered tomorrow I am doing a whole set of hilarious lessons I also found out starting with how being a mom meant never having a peaceful bath so check back for the part deux of this...

As seen on TV

When you have stayed in any place for nearly a decade you gradually start thinking of that place as home. What makes it more difficult is if that place in a completely different country than the one you were born and brought up in. Your identity becomes extremely blended.

After being here for quite some time I am often faced with the dilemma of determining my identity. An identity which is not based on what my visa status is or whether I am a citizen of a specific country. Its based more on what was familiar once is now not so familiar and what was at a time new to me is now my way of life. I am now confused if I am Indian in America or an American with roots in India. Now mind you this is not about patriotism or national pride its more of an adaptation of lifestyle and local norms due to the amount time you spend in one place.

But what annoys me the most is how people in both my adopted country USA and my motherland India seem quick to assert that they know everything about each other all based on "AS Seen on TV". I get tired of defending both the countires to each other because seriously both of them are a part of me and none of them are as bad as it seems.

In American media most documentaries of India will focus on crowded streets, half naked children under flyovers and animals on the road. I dont deny that is a part of India but it is so much more. India is a technologically advanced modern country with well lit metropolises and people with liberal thiking. In India reside a very urbanized set of people who are not unlike you. Making India to be a land of yogis and snake charmers would be akin to calling America a land only made of rodeo riders and baseball players. And while India may look to you like this

It is also this












In the same way Indians conceive America as a country with garish neon lights and divorce rates and infidelity through the roof. Nothing can be farther from the truth. Like in any country America has big cities and small towns. There are far more happily married families than divorcees here. And while the American outlook to life is far more liberal then the conservative India society permits you will find moms here with nearly the same issues and problems Indian moms face while raising their kids. And while you may picturize the whole of America to look like this

In reality most of America is probably more like this

Seriously if all you know of the other country is by watching TV documentaries and sitcoms then you are in for a rude awakening. Just like Kynki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi [or any other popluar sitcom] cannot be a true representative of Indian society at large similarly The Bold and the Beautiful cannot be considered as a primer to American scociety. They are sitcoms and as sitcoms go they are more there for the shock factor than to document a country's cultural landscape and hence should be taken with a generous dose of salt.

I am lucky enough to have both my Indian and American friends viewing my blog and  I hope I can be your window to both the countries. All you have to do is keep an open mind and ask...

Rule Bender and why I am looking into military school for toddlers...

Rule Bender is 2 so that makes him a rule bender by nature but it not just his age that gets him this name. I can honestly say he has been tis way since he was conceived. We had just returned from a Disney trip we had taken with another family who had a kid the same age as Straight Line and the whole trip the two kids had been bickering, fighting and in general making everybody miserable. I returned from the trip and firmly told Mr. Clean that if having a second kid meant making up my own bickering team I rather have only one kid. I should have then followed it up with sending Mr. Clean to Siberia for a few years coz without much bow chika bow wow I was suddenly pregnant. So u c even before he was born Rule Bender was already bending rules.

Now before any of you suddenly take it upon themselves to suddenly come up in Rule Benders defense you should know 2 things
a] YOU don't live with him
b] On good days he is like this

This pictured does not even begin to do justice to the chocolaty mess he created that day from a teeny box of Nutella.

I have quite a few theories on why he is this way and mostly all of them are Mr. Clean's fault. See when Straight Line was born I was in India and Mr. Clean here in USA so Straight Line had been exclusively in my care the first 4 months of his life and turned out who he is. When Rule Bender was born I had a Csection and while the doctors were putting be back together again Mr. Clean had Rule Bender all to himself for a few hours. I have an inkling that the baby got switched in that duration coz there is no way Rule Bender is genetically linked to Straight Line. They are really chalk and cheese. Most days end with both of them fighting and Rule Bender driving Straight Line to tears.

When he started crawling I probably bought out the whole babyproofing section of Target coz we so needed it. Well it took Rule Bender some hours to figure everything out and foil my plans. I had serious thoughts of renting him to one of those babyproofing consultants so that he could test out the house after the consultant had done his work.

Ofcourse I should thank my stars that he has still not done this

Coz if I were ever to see this sight at my house I would personally check myself into a mental asylum.

In spite of all the complains I have of him he is my baby. I see a lot of my personality in him. He is outgoing and very people friendly. Straight Line even now is very wary of people and will never initiate a conversation on his own. Rule Bender on the other hand can talk to anyone and everyone. He has to wave hello to everyone on the road; the dog walker with the ferocious looking pitbull, the UPS guy who is delivering two houses down, the guy spraying weed killer on the pavement, the chimney cleaner working next door as long as they will spare him a look Rule Bender will talk to them.

Rule Bender has two obsessions in life Balloons and Dogs in that order. Give him a balloon and he will be your friend for life. He does not have any boundaries when it comes to balloons. The kid 3 tables down celebrating his birthday, the open house signs at the end of the road, the balloon tied to the mail box advertising a yard sale, the ones at the pharmacy advertising a deal or the ones fluttering at the pretzel store all of it is fair game to him. You would not want to know how many times I have begged, borrowed or stolen baloons from various stores at the mall just so that he would move away from the store. But getting a balloon is not a be all end all. The real problem starts now. Coz as long as the balloon is all filled up with helium he spends his time trying to pull it down, stomp on it and in general not letting it fly and then when a day or two later the helium is all gone he will be seen flinging the balloon up in the air to send it up.

Anyways Rule Bender has absolutely no issues in playing/imitating Straight Line or any other older kid for that matter. He is always joining them in everything even thought he may not be ready for it. He has no fear at all and will probably end up being the contestant who will be eating sheep eye while shimmying up a skyscraper while jumping through a hoop of fire.

There is a lot more to his story but thats for later....


PS: I would love for you to leave me comments here, makes my blog a little more lived in.

How Straight Line came to be....

Straight Line is 8 year old little old man. He is called that due to his extreme diligence in following the rules aka towing the straight line. While this is a great thing to cultivate he takes this so some very ridiculous extremes which at many times leave me banging my head and telling him to loosen up a bit.

Straight Line was probably the only baby in the nursery who did not cry, get hungry or poop at the 9 o clock light out. Ok maybe not but he was a pretty textbook kid. He made parenting very easy for us and if Rule bender had been our first born my inclination to reproduce would have come to a shocking stop. Straight Line gave me confidence in my parenting skill and his childhood was pretty free of heart stopping moments and trips to the ER.

Coming back to Straight Line he is probably the most responsible 8 yr old ever in the history of 8 year olds. He is definitely Mr Clean's son when it comes to cleaning.. The problem or should I call it virtue is there is no middle road with him. If he is assigned a job it has to be perfect. Tell him to help in dusting and he embarks on a 2 hour odyssey which will give you a complex about your cleaning skills and end up in a sparkling clean room. Tell him to scoop out some icecream and each scoop has to be perfectly rounded to look like a Baskin Robbin ad. Granted its a good thing but when its 9 in the night and all you want is every one in your house in bed then a perfectly scooped icecream sundae with a cherry on top is not in my schedule.

He is a very intelligent kid not very street smart but picks up stuff very easily. I am very sure he taught himself to read by watching closed captioning on the TV. And to all of you who know him he is a total Mommy's boy. His world starts and ends with me. Everything he does, he decides after asking what I want. While I bask in this adoration a part of me also wants him to be a independent thinker. One who weighs the pros and cons before deciding what he wants. A part of him wants him to choose the green shirt he keeps eyeing in the closet when I put the blue one on his bed to wear to school. I guess I should count my blessing while this is still happening coz everyone around me keeps reminding me that this phase does not last long.

Straight Line and me share a very special bond. He is my first born the one I shared every wide eyed moment of parenting. He is such an emotionally cued in kid that he knows from my face if I am upset about something. The same goes vice versa where I know from the way he embarks from the bus if he had a good day at school but then I am mom its my job to be aware of this. He on the other hand does it out of pure love. Straight Line is growing up so soon. He almost reaches my shoulder now and I look forward to looking up to him in the near future.

He is my only hope of attending the Nobel Prize award ceremony or seeing the Oval room at the White House coz if you knew Rule Bender you would not have to ask why but thats another post better left for another day.

The one that explains it all... Part 1

First of all a big thanks to all of you who emailed and left messages for me after reading my first post. Your words of encouragement mean a lot to me. When I get to writing my first bestseller I promise to thank each of of you personally on the first page. Mostly I am glad that my blog had more than my 3 promised hits [Mr Clean, my dad and me refreshing the page].

My post yesterday introduced you all to my family and the nicknames I have for them. Why nicknames coz I scream out their names enough times a day that I have no inclination of using them in writing too. Also I rather protect their privacy coz a few years down the line when my son googles himself he would not want to see his potty training adventure listed on the first page.

But as promised here is a detailed explanation of why the nicknames came to be.

Mr. Clean
is my husband though he looks nothing like this guy. He is just called that because of his love for cleaning. Seriously for him cleaning is a hobby. In an ideal world Mr Clean would be married to Fly Lady and they would live happily ever after but in the real world the laws of attraction took effect and he ended up with me his complete opposite. I am a messy Gemini who lives in controlled chaos. My idea of a clean closet is when I open the door nothing falls out and all clothing is clean and weather appropriate. Mr Clean on the other hand cleans a closet like he is stocking up the mens section at Nordstroms. At the end of his cleaning the closet is soooo clean that it would pass muster should Martha Stewart come inspecting. The problem with that guy is he has no priorities. Unlike me see if I have to choose between cleaning a closet and gossiping on the phone my priority would always be the phone.

But all said and done Mr Clean is the reason my home does not look tornado hit at all times. He is a fabulous husband and an even more fantastic father. His whole world revolves around his family and I am so thankful for that. He is my partner in every sense of the word. A strong anchor to the tempestuous dinghy I am at all times; And I thank destiny everyday that opposites attract coz if there were two of me I would have whole episodes of Clean House devoted to me.

Now before you think I am a good for nothing lazy bum [u may be remotely right] I do the other important things in the house other than cleaning. I am the one who knows how to setup the home theater, the wireless network and program the blu ray player to play netflix. I am the one who plans all our Disney vacations [to all my Disboard peeps you all know what a hard job that is]. I am also the one who will be holding the baseball bat should a hapless burglar decide to break into our house. I am the one who can end any arguments between my kids with one look [unlike him who tries to make them see reason and explain the fine art of loving thy sibling]. Little does he know that fear of losing the Wii trumps evoking brother love every single time. Plus I am the fulltime chef, chauffeur, nurse, referee to the two hooligans. Writing all of this in one place made me realize I work way too hard and need another vacation and a raise in my shopping allowance.

More to come on Straight Line and Rule Bender tomorrow.

The beginning....

I have been going back and forth for quite sometime before I finally decided to jump in and start my own personal blog. It did strike me a bit narcissitic... was anyone in the world [with my immediate family being an exception] be actually interested in my life. Face it I am no celebrity, other then my two brats adorable kids no one had one iota of curiosity about who I was and what I did. But as days passed by I realized my little ones were constant fodder for an endless comedy. My life though filled with mundane moments did add up to an interesting read.

Ofcourse not all days are dramatic but I am sure Angelina Jolie has days where all she does is drop the kids at the bustop.... HE HE who am I kidding her kids have definitely not seen the inside of a public school bus. They go to a school that serves Pollack with Honey Citrus butter and Green Bean Almondine for lunch [Angie's Kids School Menu]. My kids are lucky if there is butter on the bread.

So I figured if not for anything else but my own sanity I should start penning down my thought. With Mr. Clean [thats my cleanliness obsessed husband for those of you who don't know] away for the weekdays in Boston all day long the only words that seem to come out of my mouth are No and Stop It. So here I am writing my thoughts. The site decor is still not complete but I was so motivated to start today that I did not wanna wait another moment. Becoz come tomorrow and my kids on in full frenzy the motivation will pass and the whole thing postponed to another night when nothing good is on TV.

So what should you expect from my Blog. Well there will be posts [about 90%] about the adventures I have every single day with my kids. Occasionally I will voice my opinion about a current issue. You will have to put up with my whining and homesickness when the festival season rolls in India [my homeland] and you will also read about my views and experiences in my adopted country USA.


So a little about me to the uninitiated. I am mom of two hyperactive darling little boys. There is Straight Line [explanations later] who is 8 and then there is Rule Bender [I promise I will elaborate later] who is 2. These two along with Mr Clean make up my immediate family. I have been here in USA for nearly 9 years and have [save a few areas of resistance] adopted the American way of life happily.

I am addicted to the Internet in general. I can partly lay the blame on the fact that I am a Web Designer by profession. I go to office a couple of days a week and spend the rest at home juggling 2 kids and work.

I don't promise a post a day... Heck I have no guarantee of getting a shower every day but I promise to voice my opinion about anything and everything and $&$(#&$@ out  any cuss words that I may utter when outpouring the joys of parenting. So for now my life is a whirlwind roller coaster of parenting and trying to hold a job at the same time. This is my story and you are welcome to follow it.